Football gaffes and guffaws

While you sit at home rugged up from the winter cold watching the World Cup, spare a thought for the commentators, managers and pundits.

深圳夜生活

Coming up with 90 minutes of analysis and insight can be difficult for some, and lasting those long press conferences is sometimes a stretch.

World Cup: Full coverage here

Best World Cup headlines from around the world

To fuel your appetite for all things football, here are some of the best football quotes from those that make the game tick and some who really wish they were just lost for words.

“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league”- Australian Mark Viduka, obviously finding it difficult to work out the points system of the Premier League.

“They’re the second best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that.”– Former English manager Kevin Keegan thinking that second best is as good as it gets.

“If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket.” – The Famous Newcastle Manager Bobby Robson

“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.” – Welshmen Ian Rush on the difficulties of living overseas.

“At the end of the day, the Arsenal fans demand that we put eleven players on the pitch.” – Don Howe former Arsenal manager talks tactics.

“We’re flying on the Concorde. That’ll shorten the distance – that’s self-explanatory.” – Sir Bobby Robson.

“Second place in the World Cup is a complete failure. It’s like you’re chatting with a girl and she says you are second in her affections because she prefers someone else.” – Brazilian Senator Aldo Rebelo launching an enquiry into Brazil’s loss in the 1998 World Cup final.

“If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again.” – Former England and Socceroos manager Terry Venables.

“Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs.” English commentator Ron Atkinson the king of the mixed metaphor in football circles.

“He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate.” – Ron Atkinson at it again

“An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal.” Dave Bassett of Sky Sports shows that measurement and sport do not always mix.

“Its Arsenal 0, Everton 1, and the longer it stays like that the more you’ve got to fancy Everton to win.” – The BBC’s John Motson in a ‘Captain Obvious’ moment.

Middlesbrough Manager Gordon Strachan is renowned for his one liners, and this little exchange was no different when approached by a reporter:

Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word please?”

Gordon Strachan: “Velocity” and with that he walked away.

David Beckham is not renowned for his intellectual prowess, but when you can cross a ball like he can you don’t need to know certain words.

Interviewer: “Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?”

Beckham: “Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.”

“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.” Beckham again, proving that good parenting goes a long way.

At the end of the day football is a game of two halves that we take one game at a time, with managers and commentators scrutinised heavily for everything they say, but the fact of the matter is when they get caught with twisted tounges it gives the rest of us a good giggle.